December Blues

   December – the month where I feel lazy, depressed and tired of everything. I do not know why I feel that way. Maybe I absorb too much negative vibes this year that it has a late effect on my part. I feel so uninspired. I feel so cynical about life. I feel like all my positive energy has been vacuumed that I am too disoriented to notice. I write this piece because I want to release this feeling through writing. 

   I noticed that my positive outlook in my life is starting to fade away. It seems that I become indifferent. It changed the way I think, the way I speak and the way I get along with people. Up until now, I am still contemplating its cause. 

   It is weird because I am always thinking of death. It is like I am obsessed with the thought of dying. I feel like I am Emily Dickinson who always thought about death. If I die, do I have an impact to the world? Do I achieve something? Or am I depressed that is why I think about those things? Maybe I am just surrounded by toxic people in the past months that I tend to deny its subtle effects in my system. 

   At the bright side, I am somehow thankful because I have the time to think about my life. What I am doing now to have a wonderful future. Is there career advancement in the past five years? Am I successful? Or I am just delusional about it? 

   I missed my own activities. I missed my blogging activities, my own travels, the genuine socialization and the interview sessions; my pleasurable reading and film activities, community immersion and my own research. That is why I read career and inspirational books as well as videos to get inspired. I felt lost for a while and I need to go back in the right track. I need to detach myself from negative people as well as their intolerable gimmicks. 

   December – the last month of the year. It is a perfect moment to reflect. It is a perfect moment to contemplate on the things that happened in 2015. It is the right moment to review goals and mission in life. It is the right month to reenergize for the next year’s relevant activities. I need to reinvent myself for the better. I need to be myself again to be sane and germane.